Thursday, August 19, 2010

1 week

I feel like I have been in a fog for a week now...fog that, even though literally settled over my yard this morning, has lifted from my heart. If I had known two weeks ago what my last 8 days would hold, I would have said I could not live through it. I simply could not bear a heartbreak of that magnitude. You see, I love my sweet Sonya to the moon....and back....a million a million more. You getting the picture? I just love her, on and on. I always have. We believe that we are really sisters, not by birth, but by bond. For my whole childhood, I had 4 brothers...and one sister, my Aunt-Sister, as we say...which confuses folks sometimes. But we know. As she grew up sort of an only child, because she was 17 years younger than even her next closest sibling (and 21 years younger than my mother), she was one of "us"...Joey, Nathan, and I. We could be seen almost any day, and in every one of my memories, the "Four Musketeers", if you will. She was my only sister and I was one of hers. We have dreamed life together and lived life together as only real sisters do. Because we are. Real soul- sisters, I mean.
So this past Tuesday night as our sweet Baney Bane slipped into the arms of God, I felt as though my heart would burst out of my chest with that deep, deep pain- which I had never felt before. When Livi was born, and then Bane, I felt a love that only a sister does for a child, not her own. Like they kinda were mine. And then we lived literally 10 yards away from each other for the past 3 years, so life was so daily with them. Every day I saw that sweet little round-faced Bane, who loved his mama and his bottles most in this world. My how I loved that little man. "Big Bane Beasley" we said. He was gonna be a football player. He was tough, man oh man, was he tough! Just like his daddy. His daddy is so, so strong. Amazingly strong, as anyone who attended Bane's celebration could see.
I must admit that the peace of God that now swells my heart did replace lots of "whys" and "hows" and "no's"...because I do miss Bane. I have grieved his loss, both for myself and for my sis, and for his precious daddy. But already, in just a little over a week, God's grace has brought me from the place of heart break to a place of thankfulness and now to a place of peace. I know that my Maker, and Bane's Maker, knows us best. He knows His wonderful plans for us, His saints. He knew that Bane's passing would bring so much GLORY to His Name and his legacy would be GREAT, because of the deep love of his parents. Bane Alton Drake Beasley will be remembered for much, much GOOD...that is YET to come.
Yesterday I prayed and asked God to reveal some of His truth to me that I needed for yesterday. I opened my Bible right up to 1 Peter 2...packed with so many words I needed to read.
1 So get rid of all evil behavior. Be done with all deceit, hypocrisy, jealousy, and all unkind speech. 2 Like newborn babies, you must crave pure spiritual milk so that you will grow into a full experience of salvation. Cry out for this nourishment, 3 now that you have had a taste of the Lord’s kindness...
...5 you are living stones that God is building into his spiritual temple...
...9 for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light...
...11 Dear friends, I warn you as “temporary residents and foreigners” to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls. 12 Be careful to live properly among your unbelieving neighbors...
... 21 For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in his steps.

That last verse was for Sonya and Drason. Two nights ago, as she and I laid in bed together talking, as we have hundreds of nights before, it was not Bane's death that we focused on, but the LIFE he will bring to others today and tomorrow...and forever. Already, we have had so many people bring us stories of salvation from his Celebration service... to a tow-truck driver, Mike, who came to know Christ through his story the next day... to dear friends of ours who have re-dedicated their lives to Christ...all because of sweet little Baney Bane. The GOOD is just beginning...even if it means suffering. For "weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." (Psalm 30:5) Sonya and Dra, who have just lost their baby boy, have already chosen to bring GOOD out of their pain. And as His promises always stand so firmly, He has NOT given us more than we can bear. They have brought SO MUCH GLORY TO GOD, already, through their strong faith. God is so wise, and HE KNEW that they would.

I could write forever about the wonderful things God has shown me over this past week. I feel like a breath of fresh air from the Holy Spirit has washed over me, because it has. He IS the Great Comforter. Prince Of Peace. Almighty God. Everlasting Father, who holds sweet Bane, already in the balance of eternity.

Sonya said it so well two nights ago: " After all that I have experienced through this, I just want to get on to doing good." ...or like 1 Peter 2:21 said yesterday: " that you have a taste of the Lord's kindness"...

More stories of GOOD to come... :)


  1. Oh, Dana, it heals, reading this.

    So hard to describe -- how could it only have been a week? -- but hearing you speak, or Court, or Shelley, is like salve to wounds. Almost as if we went to war together -- and no one who didn't consider him "our baby" could ever really understand.

    I weep words; it's all I know how to do, in this moment. But there's peace, too. Like what you describe here. I watch Sonya and Drae shining God-light, and in my prayers God whispers that something so BIG is coming from this... and what we see now are only glimpses.

    So thankful that you love Sonya so well -- it calms my protective fears and lets me head off to St. Louis knowing she will be soul-sister loved. I'll be praying for you, that God will wake you daily with the intimate knowledge of how to walk beside them well through this time.

    Thanks for that truth from Peter -- from the time on Sonya's porch ("a quiet and gentle spirit"), you have been able to speak scripture truth to me in a way most can't.

    Love you, Dane Dane.

  2. Dana, This is just beautiful. Know that I am continuing to pray. I can't wait both to see and be a part of Bane's legacy. So much love to you!

  3. Still praying for you all. Got to spend some "girl" time with your mom this week which was so great! I shared with her that at Bane's celebration, I talked to your grandmother "Mad Dog" as we called her during the campaign and she told me she loved her children and grandchildren too much and that she needed to love God more. That stuck with me because I already love my little one so much and she's not even here yet. I can see how easy it will be to put her above everything else...even my relationship with God.

    I would never wish this tragedy on anyone but as soon as I heard the news, I told Josh if this were to happen to any family, yours would be able to handle it best because of how strong, close and supportive you all are. And I have realized your family is not so close and loving and supportive for no reason. It is because each of you love the Lord more than you love each other...and your family is blessed because of that. Thank you all for being such a wonderful example of how loving and supportive a family should be when things are going well and through tragedy.

    You are being a wonderful friend/sister to Sonya and she is so lucky to have you.