...So I spent another day with Sonya today. Different than the old days, but still good. Still us. We go through so much of the day just as us, our good ole squabbling selves always giggling and knit-picking each other's every move- and now shadowed by two littler versions of ourselves who have started squabblings of their own already. We stay busy. We ALWAYS have a list in front of us to keep us on track (because, let's face it, I am not a "stay on track" kind of gal, and she's in a whirlwind...)We focus lots of our conversations on Banebow...and the GOOD that is going to come of all this. Then the reality creeps in- in the spaces where comfortable silence has always had its place for us...and she tells me how one month later, the doesn't miss him one bit less than the morning after he died. Hard to hear. Hard to know. Hard to accept that this unimaginable pain is her lot- for the rest of our lives. It will never go away completely.
It's been one month. I remember the night Bane died, standing in Vanderbilt ICU thinking, "I wonder how they will be a week from now, a MONTH from now...a year from now????"...and this is the reality after one month. She knows that only time will ease the severity of the pain, but for now, it is intense. I say all of this because I know that for everyone but them- it's easy to forget. It just is. I hate to say that. But I want to just remind you friends who keep up with me that this hurting mama and daddy are still hurting just as bad today as they were a month ago. They need your prayers today and tomorrow and the next day oh so much. Please continue to pray. Please continue to read Bane's blog. Please continue to call and text and remind them of your love. You do not know how far it is carrying them on days like today.
And on a lighter note...I left Sonya tonight and met Rich for dinner. I insisted on leaving her my car since she was meeting a friend of ours for dinner...but she said she'd rather walk. As I left dinner, across town from her, actually as I was crossing a busy intersection---I spotted a Banebow so BRIGHT and beautiful in the sky. I almost wrecked my car (literally) as I fumbled for my phone to snap a picture. My battery was low but I prayed this one last message would go through to Sonya, a text: "Look who shined down on my dinner again tonight!"...and it sent...and then my phone immediately died. I came home, plugged in my phone, and forgot about it. As I laid down a few minutes ago, I saw my phone blinking. A text from Sonya..."check blog!" I texted her back to see if she got my message from earlier. She wrote back..."yes. check blog!" So I got back out of my bed, came to this computer where I am presently standing in the kitchen, pulled up sweet Baney's blog...and read THIS. Tears in Spring Hill on a late Friday night. Oh our God was so big and so BRIGHT tonight...and always. On this "one month" milemarker that she, through sobs last night, told me she dreaded...He was so faithful to give her the strength for a walk instead of a ride tonight, so that He could remind her of just how CLOSE He is.
I have seen more
Our God is big and BRIGHT.